The Heart of Worship

Photo by Greg Weaver on Unsplash

One interesting thing about me is I am a worship leader and I am sort of apprenticing to become a vocational or professional worship leader. I have always had a knack for musical instruments and I was always singing growing up. I taught myself the piano and guitar and I had a small amount of vocal training growing up but I wasn’t necessarily passionate about music. I liked it but I never had a reason to pursue it.

When God encountered me during my junior year of high school, it was during a worship night that my church held once a month. I remember God was speaking words to me through the lyrics of the songs being sung. Specifically that God wanted to break every chain in my heart and He had the power and willingness to do so. I was wrecked and before then, I can’t remember ever feeling God’s presence like that before and I grew up in the church! 

About three months later, I found myself at an international conference in our ministry that we hosted in Orlando, Florida. I was only able to attend a few days but one of those days ended with another worship night. This is the second time I remember being deeply impacted by the worship music. (I have always been impacted by worship music and have felt my connection to God through music but there are a few moments that really stand out to me. In these moments, I can remember exactly where I was, what time of my life it was and what songs were being sung over me.) 

There were many songs being sung over me that night but what I remember most about that night is just singing my little heart out for hours and being led by the worship leaders on stage. Every. Single. Person. on the stage was full of life and energy and you knew that they were doing it out of the deepest desire of their hearts to please God and not for the attention of man. God placed a desire in my heart to help others to experience what those worship leaders had helped me to experience. This is where my passion for music truly began.

The next week, I came home and joined my high school worship team just to play keys. A few months later, I asked if I could sing. A few months after that, I asked if I could play guitar and sing. (I had been teaching myself to play guitar ever since the conference. At that point, it had been seven months.)

I tell this story because it is a part of my roots. Five years later and I’ve led worship for many different groups and events. I’ve led for less than 10 people and I’ve led for almost a thousand high school students. I tell this story because five years later, I have to constantly remind myself of why I lead worship. Worship leading is hard work and with the wrong heart, it’s not very fulfilling. It’s so easy for our egos to get in the way and when that happens, we constantly feel as though we’re not enough. 

Worshiping is serving. It’s important to serve for the right reasons. If we are serving for a “feel good” feeling or we’re serving because we want others to notice us, we’re always going to feel like we aren’t enough. 

Isaiah 55:2 says: “Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.

I constantly have to ask myself "why do I spend my time and energy on something that is not based out of my love for God and my desire to please God, and my labor for that which does not satisfy?" Sometimes, even when I'm doing worship, I serve with a bad heart. I'm trying to please others or I'm working out of my own selfish ambition and it's not for God. And if it's not for God, what's the point? I never end up satisfied in the end. I find that when I work out the desire of my heart to please God, I am far more satisfied with the results of my work.

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”

When we serve out of our own strength or we serve out of obligation, it will be hard to feel like our work is worthwhile. It’s only when we serve purely because we want to serve God and love people and we realize we actually aren’t enough unless the Holy Spirit is meeting us in those moments, that serving will actually feel worthwhile and that “never enough” feeling will not be attached. We will feel fully satisfied. 

I need to look back on my story, my testimony, because it reminds me of why I started leading worship. I didn’t become a worship leader to be a rockstar or to jumpstart my solo album. I started because God really got a hold of my heart and showed me His great love and I wanted others to experience that love too.